The human only knows its sense of self through comparison. It sees itself in relationship to what others are, what others have, what others are doing. It believes it’s superior or inferior, because it looks at other formations as having a better or worse experience than it, itself is having. Everything it does is to get to an imaginary destination in time, a place that is always better than here and now. Here and now is never good enough. Everything it sees and experiences is seen through the perspective of an “I” it is this sense of self that claims these experiences and observations as part of “my story”. This story and resulting sense of self has grown so strong in humans that it’s an energy, a feeling of separateness, an actual experience.
This energy believes that when it gets what it wants it will be whole again, so it designs everything it does around becoming complete. When the human listens to music, rides a bike, does a spiritual practice, engages in work, meets with friends, does drugs and drinks, has sex or does any number of things their sense of self disappears momentarily. The thoughts about figuring life out and where to get to subside. In this, the human catches a glimpse of it’s true identity, of love. It then continues to look for fulfillment and meaning in doing things, getting somewhere, while the whole time that which it was seeking was always its own disappearance. It was never that you felt love while making art, or love or working, it was that you were making art and you disappeared, so all there was left was love.
Everything the human does is to make itself disappear, in order to feel whole again. But this is a dead end. You can never complete yourself when you “get there” or “make it”, because you were already complete and your wholeness was always there, in what was happening. Very few people can say they’re in love with their life just as it is, that they’re not trying to “get somewhere”. Most people are so driven to give their life meaning, secure their soul mate, move up the ladder towards more money, success and power that the present moment, the love in what’s happening, completely eludes them. In their search for happiness, in their search for wholeness, they resist anything that makes them feel seperate. It is in this endless cycle of chasing pleasure and avoiding pain that humanity has set up it’s existence.
There is nothing wrong with this. This is what’s happening. But you are not experiencing this. You don’t exist. Life is experiencing you and this is just another experience life is having. You are just a thought arising out of nothing. This thought is now an energy. But it’s no different than dust. You are a complete illusion. That which animates you is everything, all of life, which is love. And everything that is being witnessed is seen, heard and experienced as all of life. This is where the line of wrongdoing blurs, the desire to acquire and gain or hold onto any form dissolves. That which is awake and aware of its true identity is pure and complete love, and this love is that which everything stems from. All of life is in a grand love affair with itself. There is an intimacy beyond intimacy in this. It can not be seen, or put into words. It’s neti, neti, neti: not this, or this or this. If you can see it, it’s not you! This cannot be seen.
You cannot make yourself awaken. Nothing you do will get you there. You can continue to practice spirituality, participate in pleasure and heal physical, mental and emotional ailments with various modalities. And these are good things to do, they will make you feel better. But you won’t awaken. You are already awake. Some humans give the appearance of an “enlightened human”, and thus others want what those humans have. But all we can ever see or feel is the apparent sense of “self” someone has. In some humans this sense of self is stronger than in others, but what determines that expression, that sense, is nothingness. The aliveness and awareness, the love, was, is and always be everything that’s happening. You can try to “be present” and practice mindfulness and loosen your imagined sense of self by becoming “less ego” more peaceful, kind and loving, but this won’t get you there. Nothingness decides what is done, and that which thinks it’s choosing to awaken is just a thought, an appearance that fades and transforms like a raindrop, or a leaf falling. That which is reading these words, is the same thing that is writing them. This is the love. This is the freedom. In not getting there, you arrive.