How To Deal With Difficult Emotions?
When we become overcome with overwhelming feelings, it’s important to recognize that these feelings are not who we are.
If they were who you are, then you would always be angry, or grief-stricken or depressed.
But you’re not, are you? For example, when you’re sleeping, or even doing something you like then the difficult emotion most likely quiets down and then eventually goes away.
If our emotions were who we are, then they would not come and go.
This recognition doesn’t necessarily make a challenging emotion any easier.
However, what it does do, is it allows us to explore its root and learn more about an aspect of ourselves.
For example, let’s say the emotion we’re struggling with is “Grief.”
We may ask, “What is the sensation of this grief?” and we might say, “This grief is dense, sticky. It likes to hide and be safe.”
Are there any thoughts associated with the emotion?
The thoughts associated with this grief are: I am stuck, I am powerless, I am unworthy, I am unloved.
What terrible sad thoughts, bundled up into this one word: grief. Powerful thoughts.
What is it that is here amidst this painful thought or idea of grief that is causing suffering?
First comes an external “trigger”, the universe says something through someone, or one compares themselves or their circumstances to something that is worthy and loved, or something mirrors to this idea of -ultimately- separation aka suffering.
Now, this investigation indicates clearly that these thoughts within grief – they’re not letting love in! Therefore, they absolutely deserve your attention.
The question then becomes, why then do these thoughts arise and stay with me? Why do they feel at home? Why am I creating these thoughts of grief?
One might say, “I am creating thoughts of grief because there is a part of me that feels unworthy and unloved.”
Who is it that feels unworthy and unloved and stuck? The thought itself? What is behind the thought, if the thought is just a dead energy?
We realize almost instantly that the thought itself is powerless. In fact, the thought comes from the energy of belief.
Is it possible that the belief causing this painful suffering is no longer useful and necessary?
Is it possible that it once served the purpose of protecting us and shielding us, but now we no longer need its dead energy?
We can only work with a belief once it has come out into the open. The belief itself wants to be surrendered, otherwise, it wouldn’t be arising. No longer can the energy run away from this part of itself once it reaches the bright light of awareness. It’s virtually impossible.
Beliefs that want to be brought into the open must be surrendered, let go of and released. Some part of it must also know that it can’t really run or hide from itself any more like it used to.
It must also be realized that the belief that is causing the grief, for example, “I am not loved”, manifests into ‘sub-beliefs’ like blame, shame, guilt or some other thought that projects it’s suffering onto the external world – person, place, thing or circumstance. And it’s blaming game is endless:
- I’m “unhappy” because I’m broke.
- I’m sad because so-so is sick.
- I’m upset because of my family or partner.
- I’m mad because my boss does this or that.
- I’m unhappy because of work, or no work, or my health or anything…and on and on.
The entire world at this moment becomes the problem.
Interestingly, the mind totally cannot get itself out of its problem. It can’t find a solution.
Therefore, it most likely will just move, change jobs, find a new relationship or move on to something else which it can hide inside of for a while.
This is an endless problem. It never finds the answer doing this. That’s why it’s said that the energy that created the problem can’t also be the one solving it. That’s also why we often get brilliant ideas hiking, showering or being with people we love.
One must first come back to presence. Just returning each time to the truth, the truth is that of the observer. The observer is what is here having the whole experience. Watching the whole cycle. Even though the energy is trying to fix itself and iron itself out, that will actually never happen, because the nature of the mind is unhappiness.
The mind only knows how to operate between pain and pleasure. Pleasure and pain are two sides of one coin. Therefore, one cannot find true and lasting peace in changing one’s circumstances, whatever they may be, because the nature of all things is change, movement, transformation.
Before anything changes, it first has to accept the truth.
The truth is unknown. It is the live quality of life that is only ever right here and now. This is the only place of true rest. It is the only place where everything else can stop.
Once one clearly sees how miserable the mind is making them, it becomes much easier to stop listening to it. The less and less interest the thoughts receive, the more and more one can begin to let go until everything is fully surrendered, except that which is here, was always here and will never leave, never go. What could this be? It must be investigated by each person individually.
The mind is looking for a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist. When one looks at the present moment, is there truly a real problem right now? Or is there just a painful thought or emotion or experience, that is temporal and inevitably on its way out?
You can’t leave this moment. You have to be here. This moment is all there ever was, is and will be.
This is it. You can’t really leave this moment. It’s it.
You trying to run away, means you’re running from yourself. You’re running from the love that you are and as long as you’re running from yourself you will feel separate. So stop. Just stop running. Just land.
Wherever it is that you are – jobless, angry, broke, broken, sad – just be here with yourself. Be here by realizing that you already are here. Until you realize that you have to be here at all costs, no matter if you like it or not, then you can’t truly be free.
When you stop fighting life, stop being at war with your presence, then you’ll realize your inherent freedom.
This is an energy shift.
Energy begins to shift with this awareness. And as energy shifts, life shifts.
3 Easy Steps To Dealing With Difficult Emotions
- The first step is to be willing to be here. No matter what ‘HERE’ looks like.
- Next, be willing to stop believing your thoughts. Stop trying to find your way out of fearful, uninteresting or painful thinking. Positive thoughts are just the opposite side of that. What can be gained (positive thoughts) can also be lost (negative thoughts).
- Lastly, be willing to wait for the truth. Like a faithful golden retriever that never lost hope that his owner would one day arrive back at the same spot where he left him. This kind of devotion, not only is the fruit of arduous labor but it also results in the slow onset of the perfume of one’s essence: Meaning, true devotion is always accompanied by love. True Love!
Of course, there will still be the natural wanting to improve one’s situation. Therefore, there is the appearance of a practical human level. Say, this prayer out loud into the field and believe that it is enough:
Dear God, I release all of my needs to you. I pray that you make me aware of the people, places, actions, and things that I need to be aware of in order to create the expression of extreme joy and happiness in my life.
And so, the answer is the same : one must be happy already. One must feel free now. Not at some given time in the future. Freedom can only come to freedom, not to something or someone that is still locked up and unfree.
How can one attract love and freedom, if they don’t themselves resonate at the frequency of love and freedom?
One must remember:
I am love.
I am freedom.
These are the thoughts that should be expressed by the body. For it is these thoughts that are most in alignment with the Truth.
Therefore, if I am love – how would that express?
It would be kind, caring, considerate and service. It would yield to all of life. It would heed and listen to only the law of love. Therefore it would not be in conflict with people, places, activities or events.
If I am freedom how would that express?
It would go wherever it wants, it would say whatever it feels, it would allow the world to be free as well for it would not keep anything in bondage.
Therefore, these are the actions that must be taken in life in order to be truly one with the river.
In fact, this surrender into the river is the place where abundance, miracles, dreams and true love reside. There is no shortcut or back way to this. It is only through the eye of the truth, that the real path of God can be undertaken.
True love is not a new project, or a large amount of money, or a promise from one person, or the extension of a longer life. Rather, it is the recognition that what one wants they not only have, but they are it and this realization will change the course of one’s entire life.