As I hiked one of my favorite trails in east county yesterday, I found myself totally in “zen” mode amidst the pine trees, boulders, sweeping desert views, pretty butterflies, cool insects and… (I could go on!) I was the only one on the trail and merged completely with my nice experience.
Then the thoughts about life appeared: “What was my next goal to set?” “How could I fix my life?” “What is it that I REALLY want?” As I watched the thoughts, which by no means were coming from an unhappy nature but out of the desire and curiosity for the mere possibilities in my life, I stopped.
Who would fix my life? Who would make it to the next goal? Who was doing the wanting? Let’s say I figured out my next to-do item, got clear on the actions that would improve my life, then what? Then I would still end up on this beautiful trail immersed in it’s beauty, complete with nothing. Or maybe I would be in the midst of my next corporate meeting looking at my watch, or in a passionate embrace with my lover, or writing marketing copy for endless hours, then what? Who would be doing those things? Or wanting other things?
The you that is experiencing life and believes itself to be the chooser or the dooer is just another experience of the true experiencer. This you that has something to do and somewhere to get to, is not that which is desiring, watching, thinking, listening or feeling. All of life is doing this. Life is that which is have an experience of a you. The you that is immersed in the perspective of trying to figure life out, is a you that is not conscious of it’s true identity. This is why you can never make yourself awaken, you aren’t that which awakens, you are the awakeness itself. Where this energy focuses and how it expresses has nothing to do with you, you are a complete illusion. You never existed, you are not having an experience of life. How could you? Did you create the seeing, the listening, the thinking, the functioning of digestion and neurochemistry, the depth of emotion, the ability to love?
Can you even begin to scratch the surface of the beauty of this message? If you don’t exist, then life is that which is desiring, choosing and doing. This means that you could never set or meet your next goal, fix, modify or change your current experience. To do so is complete insanity. You are not desiring, you are the desire, you cannot choose, you are the choice itself, you could never do anything, you are that which is doing. Can you go into a void like this? Can you loose yourself completely until you dissipate into the vast sea of awakeness? Can the life that you are be still enough to awaken to itself?
The seeker energy cannot comprehend it’s death. It will always claim, attempt to fix and identify with the thoughts it’s having. And I’m not saying not to do this. How could I say this and how could you stop doing it? This is what’s being done. This is life choosing this experience of separateness. But nothing changes in either experience. What’s true will always be true and that which is seeking for the truth can never find it because the truth is what it, itself, is. To look for oneself is to completely loose the point of this message.