December 22, 2016

This and That

Most people want to hear something that will help them feel in control of their destiny. They want a message that will resonate with their illusions. They’re not really interested in enlightenment. They want a message that will speak directly to how they can clean up their cages.

They want to be more abundant, peaceful, successful. They want to fulfill their life purpose, get the perfect lover. They want to end their suffering.

What is being written about on this blog is THIS, THIS, THIS. To quote one of my favorite films: It’s the endless space between the words.

I’m always tempted to write about the chakras and the kundalini and the astrological alignments, or to discuss a beautiful meditation and light work and healing modalities which rack up the most page views, but I can’t seem to do it. I only find myself being able to write about something that has nothing to do with words or mental understandings of things. As a professional marketer I’ve considered optimizing my site, promoting content, creating an online footprint. I can’t do it. The energy continually brings me into this emptiness and into a great desire to create words about it, which becomes harder and harder to do – frankly, impossible. The intentions I once had with this blog, to help people feel good, to help them fix their lives and know themselves seem completely abstract.

The greatest challenge for me is speaking about non duality in dual language, which is the language humans use to perceive reality.

Coming to this blog, you won’t get anything here. If you’ve gotten something from this blog, you’ve misunderstood what’s being talked about. This is about loss.

When I first began to perceive non duality, it felt like I was on drugs. It was euphoric. It was the bliss everyone spoke about. Then it passed and I had to cope with the actual realization. Without spirituality, which defined close to 10 years of my life, there was this sudden darkness. There was nothing to hold on to and give me hope anymore. In fact, what did it really mean that I didn’t exist?

There is a lot of sitting now, very little movement. I’m still a mess on most days. But it’s beautiful. What I found with the dissipation, is that there is no longer an energy that holds on to things. I’ve compared it before to holding water in cupped hands. Everything is appearing and dissolving almost immediately. Most interestingly, the past is almost non existent. As though there is no longer memory.

When a strong sense of “I” dissipates, there’s only this moment. It’s not even this moment, it’s the aliveness behind this moment.

Recently, after the awkwardness began to clear love became more and more apparent. This seeing of a perfect order behind things seemed to polish off any remnant desires to change, modify or control appearances.

This is the end of bullshit. You can’t pull any wool over your eyes with the hope of a better future. That energy that wants the better future is the greatest lie we believe. I still make decisions based on what I think is best, but this appears as a functioning. There is no “I” here. “I need” “I want”.

In fact, the love behind these words is astounding. It can’t ever be put into words. It’s crushing in it’s beauty. This is completely unknown. To claim to know it, is to claim to have gotten something. This can’t be gotten.

You are HERE. HERE. HERE. This is it.

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