You are whatever is being experienced. You are everything that is happening. Whatever it is that’s happening is happening in completeness, which is what you are. This completeness is a presence. It is this witnessing presence that is experiencing and having an experience of itself.
Anything that appears as seperate from you, will always feel like a contraction in the body. The recognition of the oneness within and as all things, is relaxing. But neither of these feelings has anything to do with what is truly, at the heart of the matter, happening – which is complete stillness.
That which is transient, the desires, the feelings, the thoughts, the experiences, the images is constantly changing. To attempt to look for completion in any of these things is to get lost in separation. What I am referencing is the stillness in which all those things are happening. This stillness is so receptive and open to life. It knows itself so completely it has no desire to seek for anything other than what is, no matter what is.
After awakening, you will NOT experience anything differently and you will not change. However, how you relate to experiences and to yourself does seem to shift. Within this shift is witnessing a bottomless pit. It feels like watching water cupped in the palm of your hands. Everything that you try to hold on to, whether it’s a feeling, a thought or an experience slips away and begins to dissolve. Nothing is appearing solid anymore. Within this one experiences life at such an extreme intimacy, that even the pain that is felt, or anger, or stress and frustration is completely full on and intense. But then it immediately slips away. This is where freedom becomes more and more apparent.
The freedom is and only could be in the making love to the present experience. This doesn’t mean feeling pleasure. This means feeling the intimacy of the pain, the noise, the suffering, the sense of separation, then watching as it dissolves. To interpret this message as a recipe to awaken is to completely miss the point I am making. It is in the reading, the light, my fingers stroking the keyboard. This is all awareness knowing itself in utter completion and stillness.
When I finish this blog post, my mind will focus on the car purchase I need to make and I will have overwhelming thoughts about it, I will be annoyed if there’s a mess on the carpet downstairs, I will feel a little bit of anxiety before my next business meeting. But this will all be complete. I will not attempt to change my stress, or the fact that I like order, or that I get anxiety sometimes. This is IT. This is life doing this in me. All I can do is be what is being done.