When the personal self begins to fall through the cracks, and the light of Being starts to break through, the process can result in a sort of emotional and mental “composting”. The process for many, not all, is disorienting and results in a tremendous amount of fear. At some point, it is realized on a deep, deep level that the fear is completely impersonal. In fact, it is seen that this is not my “fear” it is fear itself that is being experienced.
The loss of a sense of personal self challenges the personal will and the idea of “do-ership”. When the light of awareness breaks through, even just for a split moment, that is enough for the whole world of the personal self to begin to crumble.
The “crumbling” is a life long process, but again, it is impersonal at this level and it is just a happening, just another appearance, like the sun or the clouds. During this process, one of the greatest blocks to liberation post an awakening is the return to the mind.
The mind is a very safe place to be ( in fact, it’s the most dangerous place of all, but this must be seen through); it is safe because it is familiar.
The mind is the seeker himself. It is the energy that is covering up Being. This is why the process of falling away, or rather the process of dissolving the ego, is so uncomfortable. But it is an absolutely natural phenomenon. “You” are not special because of your realizations or awakenings at all! YOu never ever had an awakening or a realization. In fact, what you are is everything and everything is continually waking up to itself more deeply all the time. It’s just that consciousness or the mind, shifts in and out of expression in you and in everything.
The mind or consciousness is the single blockage to full liberation. It is often imagined that one must spend more time taming the separate self, adjusting behaviors, entering consistent sadhanas, clearing the chakras, undoing karma and samskaras, finding the ultimate teacher, reading another spiritual book, aligning with one’s destiny, making more money, finding another lover, leaving one’s town, changing one’s location – no. It’s not true. You are liberated right now. Nothing needs to change for you to have freedom, you are already fully free. It takes only a split second to see this in the story of time, and this seeing can only happen now not in some distant future. Moreover, liberation and freedom will never, ever, ever be gotten to. If that’s what you’re waiting for, your search will result in more frustration and confusion. Drop all seeking. The very genuine and honest desire to know the Truth in your being is all that is needed in order for enlightenment to take over and live through the body.
Moreover, love, relationships, money, career, and health – identification with these is the result of thought being bundled up into enough focus on one or the other that the story continually covers up the stillness of your being that is emerging. It must be understood that while losing focus and energy in them is initially uncomfortable, the process is a natural byproduct of awakening. This is because the body in involuntarily conditioned into attachment, survival, and possession. The grasp is loosened bit by bit in the appearance of time, and this period of loss is not happening to you or to anyone, it is simply the natural evolution of consciousness.
It is recommended that surrender, non-resistance or acceptance of one’s apparent awakening “process” is undergone because the resistance is just another way that the “mind” attempts to remain in control.
You were never in control. You don’t exist. You’re just a thought appearing in the illusion of time.
In reality, the unshakable ground of being will absorb thought, actions and all else that appears as separate and personal, thus it is recommended that the process is trusted on some level (which it always is) and also allowed.
Happy Waking Up!
I assure you there is no better place you’d want to be but the Truth of your very being. This process in and of itself leads to a worthwhile and fulfilling life if it is seen through all the way.