Saying NoPersonal boundaries are your needs, as they pertain to your feelings. Setting boundaries means that you are clear on what is and what is not right for you. The best way to discern whether someone is overstepping their boundaries with you, is if they have made you uncomfortable. You must know that you have a right to say NO. Even if you’ve already said yes, owe someone something in return for a favor, or are trying to be a “good” friend, wife, husband-whatever. It doesn’t matter what the relationship is or what the circumstances are, if you don’t feel right about something, you owe it to yourself to speak up.

In the past few days, I’ve experienced many scenarios that have forced me to reflect on personal boundaries. Many people use their “needs” to try and dis-empower our free will. The only way, anyone can make you feel weak, spineless, taken advantage of etc, is if you let them. If someone is having a hard time accepting your boundaries that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Their dependance on your actions is a problem that they have to face for themselves. When we fail to get clear and be honest about what does and does not work for us, we block an immense amount of self-love energy, from our heart center. We are telling ourselves that we do not deserve to feel a certain way, and even worse, we ignore those feeling and end up committing actions that go against our will.

A famous painter once told me when referring to his success, “There are givers and takers in this world. The key is to surround yourself with as many givers as possible and to you, yourself, be a giver.” I was told this to understand that some people are self serving. Of course this disappoints me, that there are people who care more about themselves than others. But I’ve come to have a deeper understanding of who those people are and what their behaviors mean. I grew up with people who had very fixed ideas on what was “right” and “wrong”, if I didn’t abide by their idea of “right” I was immediately shunned and punished for thinking differently. I grew up really struggling to learn to say “No”. It is my deep desire to ensure that people’s needs are met. This is not to say that I do not meet my own needs. I feel so good about myself, that I don’t know of what I could possibly need that I don’t already have-more love, more abundance, more grace, more peace. I’m not searching for those things anymore 😉 At least not from the outside.

In any case, when someone is in “need”, you have to be able to discern how much of that “need” really serves them or you. Are they taking advantage of your kindness? Are they looking to receive validation from you? Is it possible that you don’t feel good about helping someone, because of certain reservations you have towards them? Whatever the case is, you don’t have to explain yourself! But, be honest, speak from your heart and if this person is meant to be in your life, they won’t wreak havoc just because you said a simple word to them “No.”

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